ROBERT

12 Christmas Horse Facts

  1. A horse’s teeth take up more space in their head than their brain.

  2. Most horses have wolf teeth so they can bite humans better. The wolf teeth must be removed with rubber mallets and rusty screwdrivers before they learn of this.

  3. Their mouths look like caverns, and are commonly used by Hollywood as scale replicas for filming without being on location

  4. If left unchecked, the wolf teeth will multiply to unsustainable numbers, and their mouths will more closely resemble that of a shark, which is not ideal for filming Hollywood cavern sequences.

  5. Horses can’t express their emotions with their words, like my ex wife.

  6. Horses are banned from most reputable comedy clubs, because they only laugh when trying to determine whether a smell is good or bad.

  7. Horse hooves are made of compacted human hair and fingernails.

  8. Horses won’t lie down at the same time, as a courtesy.

  9. A horse’s brain weighs as much as half of a human.

  10. Horses have quite the sweet tooth, and will reject anything bitter, like my ex wife.

  11. A typical horse heart weighs between 9 and 10 pounds, burdened by a lifetime of misdeeds.

  12. Horses have less bones than humans.

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