Everyone knows that pyramid water is the only water worth drinking; it’s refreshing, it tastes like burnt cranberries, and it is directly responsible for every miracle - even science! But in communing with the Infinity Tribes, it has become apparent that not everyone knows how to maximize the benefits of Ha Mun Bah’s channeled energies, so I’m going to focus on that in this ongoing series, and hopefully set the record straight on pyramid water!
In this post, let’s talk about the pyramids themselves. Many people think that you have to drop hundreds of dollars on some name-brand pyramid from some megachurch, even going as far as to seek out ones made from the most expensive precious metals. It’s a common myth that certain metals are better conduits of energies - in reality any metal will do, so long as it’s been blessed by a member of our secret clergy - and it doesn’t have to be some big-name celebrity superstar elder like Ted or the High Cleric, either - anyone in the chosen org has been gifted this ability - even our work-study interns, many of whom study theology or wine marketing at the local community college. With that in mind, there are several pyramid options available for just a fraction of the cost of a name-brand pyramid - just ask!
Those who know me would say that I live frivolously and lavishly, and they are correct - hedonism thy name is my name, too. But I’ve never spent more than a few American Dollars on any of my personal pyramids. My secret? I send off a few rolls of household aluminum foil to be blessed in bulk (one must not bless their own pyramids - it is forbidden, and I covet my teeth), then I fashion my own pyramids from the foil. Some members have commented that the resulting pyramid water has a brimstone aftertaste, but that’s normal, and they were promptly removed and reprimanded for their blasphemy against their elders. Pyramid water is like a very expensive wine - an acquired taste, and the quality of the barrel doesn’t matter.
So there you have it! In part II, we’ll go over how to maximize the output of your pyramids using a few simple tricks.
Until next time, should it come.